Everyone else will be on a big break, far from the city, getting darker by the minute, but I will spend this week thinking.
And I have something big to think about, bigger than tan lines and what cocktail to drink next, bigger than pool vs. beach, bigger than “does my butt look big in this?”
I want to move out.
I’ve been wanting to move out for a long time but things are different now. Because I’ve actually found a place I can move into and my god, it’s tiny but I already love it.
I just don’t know if I can afford it.
Part of me wants to just throw caution to the crazy wind, move in and figure things out as they go along – the adult equivalent of being thrown into the pool so you are forced to learn to swim – but part of me is scared shitless. What if it turns out I can’t? What if I decide I can’t live alone? What if I run out of money?
There’s a little voice inside me that’s saying I can do this. But I don’t know if this voice is just the spoiled brat in me talking.
The universe has spoiled me all these years by pretty much giving me everything I’ve wanted. A great job, the chance to explore strange cities, good friends, real love that has shaken me to the core. Will it give me my own space too?
I don’t know. At least not yet. For now, I will keep thinking.
Reasons to move out:
1. I need my own space. I’m turning thirty in a few months, god damn it, I need a place to call my own.
2. It’s really time for me to grow up. Really grow up.
3. Living with Jolo and Le right next door will be fun, like living inside episodes of Friends minus the annoying Ross.
4. I already have visions of myself decorating the place, trying to find a spot for everything I own, trying to turn the studio into my home.
Reasons not to move out:
4. Fucking money.
I need answers. Or a winning lottery ticket.